From Bayous to Blizzards

I have sat down to write this very post one too many times in the last five months. I have written several of them and have deleted every single one because they're not positive enough or I start crying before I can finish blogging about our move.

I've come to realize a couple of things in the last five months that finally prompted me to decide to post my raw feelings...kind of like the "unedited" version of my view on life right now. The first thing that brought me to just put my thoughts out there is that life is not always just a bunch of roses. Life is hard and sloppy in a physical and mental way, but especially emotionally. I don't need to pretend that everything is always peachy and, in fact, I don't think it's very healthy for me to pretend everything is one-hundred percent one-hundred percent of the time. I know it is not a healthy example for my kids, either, to fail to acknowledge real feelings of frustration, sadness, or even anger. They're going to face these feelings in life, as well, and I want them to know how to cope in a healthy way.

So I have been practicing to "cope" in a healthy way since we've moved from Louisiana. I have failed MISERABLY in healthy coping more times than I care to admit, but thank God that He is a God of second, third, fourth...however many chances we need...

One thing I will continue to focus on and will ALWAYS be a plus to living in Kansas is being near family. On a very serious note, I think our family and friends are the ONLY reason I actually want to live in Kansas now. All of my great feelings and memories of being in Kansas since September revolve around family and good friends we've "reunited" with.

I have dealt with guilty feelings of "forsaking" my home state of Kansas by deciding I prefer Louisiana living over Kansas!? I will never regret being born and raised in Kansas, but I just loved the temperate climate and TREES, glorious, TREES of Louisiana (did I mention gardening year-round?)! Winter has been bitterly cold this year in Kansas in both a figurative and literal sense for me. I also made some very special friends in Louisiana and left a great, supportive group of homeschoolers.

I have shed many tears while struggling to cope with the stressors a move brings, and leaving friends behind. YES, was even on the verge of tears and ANGRY the first time the snow started flying here. (And the second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth times it snowed). Travis and I are, for the first time, truly at a difference of agreement as to the geographical location we feel most comfortable! He was out snow skiing behind the Polaris in the pasture Sunday. He is truly in his element again. I DO love that he is so happy, and who couldn't smile about someone "water skiing" on top of snow (with snow skis) in the cow pasture?

Did I mention that the reason we're in Kansas is because God blessed us with a wonderful promotion for Travis to a regional operations position? I'm pretty sure (you can verify this with Travis) that Travis was ready to be back in Kansas the day we moved to Louisiana! ;) He loved his job there, but his heart longed for family, friends, cold weather and the type of hunting he's familiar with. I want to say, with complete sincerity, that God and Travis are the reasons I have been able to stay home with my kids and love on them, watch them grow, and to teach them! For that I am eternally grateful.

Many of you have asked what happened to my blog. I will say this. I never realized how emotionally connected I am to what I blog about until I sat down and tried to blog about something bittersweet and painful. I've avoided blogging because I'm sad when I open it only to see pictures and read stories about the life and home I left in Louisiana. I've shed many tears to get to the point I can even acknowledging our move in print.

My God is faithful and I am also surrounded (literally) by family and friends who love me (and overlook my nasty "winter" attitude). Don't be worried when you read my lamenting about leaving Louisiana. I have no doubt in my mind that God has me in the middle of this snowy Kansas winter for His purposes. I have confidence that, despite any setbacks, discomforts, or sadness, God has a greater goal in mind here. God doesn't promise a posh life "full of roses," but He does promise that there is "life" in choosing His purposes over my personal selfishness!

Life has gone on in the last 5 months, and I have a few really fun and interesting things to blog about. I'm also praying that writing about life will help me heal a little (no, a lot) and get over myself and on to the fantastic things God has done for us and has for us!